Tuesday, June 07, 2005

HEALTH NUTritionist - A Fridge to Far


(This is a continuation of a post from 5/17/05 and 6/6/05)
To recap quickly: A coworker who fancies himself a "HEALTH NUTritionist" but, feeds only on donuts and ice cream will quickly condemn anyone for taking a bite out of a McDonald's hamburger has thrown down a challenge. This challenge was directed at me by way of a photo taken of him eating a big bowl of ice cream while viewing my initial blog about him. (He was eating the ice cream at 8:30 in the freakin' morning)

Since the "war" is on I countered his recent offense with one of my own. I told him I didn't believe he had healthy (normal) food in his fridge. He insisted he did. I stuck to "my guns" and said prove it. He said I was calling him a liar. I said prove it by taking my camera with him when he went home for lunch and photograph the contents of his fridge. He obliged.

I believe the photos speak for themselves. There's nothing healthy in his fridge. There's no normal, nutritious food in there. He has a shelf dedicated to probiotis (no idea what those are... they look like pill bottles to me), Noni Juice (polynesian pine tree syrup), Aloe Vera Gel (that he drinks), cranberry juice and a freezer full of Snap Peas (what the...???)

In my opinion, the photos speak for themselves. He has nothing nutritious (normal) in his fridge. He, on the other hand, says the photos prove he DOES have nutritious food in his fridge (specifically the cranberry juce).

All I see in his fridge are a slew of stomach coating lubricants that allow donuts and ice cream to sit is his gut without ever being touched by his hydrochloric acids. That explains why the sugar never affects him. Those donuts and ice cream never have a chance to chemically break down and disperse themselves within his body.

As for the Snap Peas, those must act as tiny bearings helping roll the food out his colon while keeping the food elevated from ever coming in contact with his gastric acids.


sammo said...

That's too funny on numerous levels! I may refer to his eating habits as those of the Borg from now on.

Anonymous said...

If you look closely you can see a large flask of Trineya in the back of the top shelf.

I've suspected him to be Borg for some time now. My suspicions are confirmed...