Imaginary Smoker

I’m going to have to come clean and admit that I’m addicted to imaginary smoking.

It all began innocently enough when a co-worker approached my desk with a question. I paused a moment, grabbed my imaginary lighter and lit up an imaginary cigarette. Then in my best Thurston Howell III voice I proceeded to answer my co-worker's question. We both laughed at the absurdity.

The next time I was visited by that same co-worker he decided to light up his imaginary pipe. He proceeded to puff away as we spoke. Not wanting him to feel self-conscious I decided to light up my imaginary cigarette again.

Over the course of many encounters with the aforementioned co-worker we both puffed away on our imaginary smoking paraphernalia with great delight. Then one day I noticed my co-worker stopped bringing his imaginary pipe. I, on the other hand, continued lighting and smoking my imaginary cigarettes. At one point I realized I had long since stopped using my Thurston Howell III impression in favor of concentrating solely on my smoking. It was then I realized I had a problem. Imaginary smoking dependency.

I’m currently seeking treatment for my imaginary dependence. So far I’ve tried going cold turkey, even imaginary smoking gum. So far nothing has worked. I’m hoping the imaginary skin patches will work. So far they're causing an imaginary skin rash that's driving me crazy.